My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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