I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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