I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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