did you get engaged???
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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