The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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