so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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