just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize