home. puking in laundry basket.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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