The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize