i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize