she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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