you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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