Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i've created a new STD.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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