It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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