i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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