Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
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For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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