The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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