bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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