This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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