I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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