It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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