Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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