So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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