You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize