so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
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I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
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Randomize