I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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