Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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