Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize