Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize