Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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