she woke up with a sticky ear
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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