I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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