the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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