Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize