if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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