Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize