at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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