I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
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And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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