I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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