dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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