i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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