im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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