Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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