If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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