Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
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We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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