my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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