I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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