i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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