I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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