The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
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His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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